An Asexual Transman’s Journey

Name: Udayan [An Asexual Transman’s]  Age: 26 Country: India “Usha, take your teddy bear ; put the car away—it’s Aditya’s toy,” Uma said gently. “But I like this a lot mom! I’ll play with the car instead,” Usha shot back, a spark of rebellion in her voice. Her brother chimed in, mockingly handing her some toy pots and pans. “Here, baby. Play with these.” “I’ll stick with the car,” she replied defiantly. Uma Rani, their mother, couldn’t hold back her frustration. She scolded Usha, her voice tinged with both worry and weariness. Usha puffed up her cheeks, a stubborn pout forming, and left the room. Uma Rani sat in silence, memories of Usha’s childhood flooded back. Usha had always been different. While her twin brother, Aditya, followed every convention, Usha resisted them all. From the age of six, Usha preferred T-shirts and pants over frocks, played cricket with the boys in their neighborhood, and showed no interest in dolls or tea parties. Neighbors whispered about Usha’s “odd behavior,” and their remarks fed Uma’s growing concern. “What will people say when she grows older? She can’t just ignore what’s expected of her forever.” But the years passed, and nothing changed. By 20, Usha was still herself, wearing short hair and dressing in boys’ clothes. Despite her mother’s tears and father’s lectures, Usha’s resolve only deepened. Then, one day, she made a declaration that shook the household. “I’m going to transition,” she said, her voice steady. “I want to be the man I’ve always felt I am.” The announcement sparked an uproar. The family argued for days. “Do you realize how hard this will be?” her father demanded. “Society won’t accept you! There’s paperwork, legal complications—what about your safety?” Her mother cried, pleading with her to reconsider. But Usha—now determined to become Udayan—stood firm.

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Udayan found solace in online spaces, joining a Facebook group for transgender individuals. There, he met Rajesh, a sensitive and thoughtful young “man” struggling with “her” own gender identity. Rajesh dreamed of transitioning to live as Roshni. Despite society’s rigid expectations, they found comfort and understanding in each other’s stories. Over time, their friendship grew into an unspoken bond. Together, they decided to undergo their transitions, knowing the risks, the costs, and the backlash that might follow. For Udayan, the journey wasn’t just about becoming male—it was about aligning his outer reality with his inner truth.

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After the surgeries and hormone treatments, Udayan finally saw the reflection he’d longed for in the mirror. But life post-transition wasn’t without challenges. He discovered something he hadn’t expected: while his body aligned with his identity, he felt no romantic or sexual attraction to anyone. When Udayan shared this with his doctor, the response was confusion. “You’re on testosterone,” the doctor said. “You should feel something.” The doses were adjusted, but nothing changed. Even within the trans-sex community, Udayan felt isolated. Some questioned his decision to transition. “If you’re not attracted to anyone, why did you even do this?” they jeered. The ridicule stung, but Udayan refused to let it break him. In his darkest moments, he remembered Roshni’s unwavering support in the transition time. Though they had drifted apart, Roshni’s courage continued to inspire him.

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In time, Udayan stumbled upon a group for asexual individuals. There, he met Nilanjana, a transwoman who shared his experience of feeling different in a world obsessed with labels and binaries. With her support, he began to embrace his asexuality as another facet of his identity, not a flaw. Through the group, Udayan found a trans-friendly doctor who understood him without judgment. For the first time, he felt surrounded by people who accepted him completely. Udayan’s journey wasn’t easy, but it was his own. With Nilanjana by his side, he built a life rooted in authenticity. Together, they proved that transitioning isn’t just about fulfilling societal expectations of gender or sexuality—it’s about reclaiming one’s truth. Today, Udayan lives with quiet pride, knowing that his struggle has made him stronger. He carries forward the message that self-acceptance is the most powerful transformation of all.

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This case study is based on a phone call from India. It narrates the experience of a transman who became isolated from the trans community after his transition because he expressed a lack of interest in sexual intimacy or having a sexual partner. Please note that all names mentioned in this study are fictional to protect privacy.