I am a very lonely person living in a country where LGBTQ+ identities are criminalized. No one here truly understands equality. Because of this, I rely entirely on asexual dating apps to find a partner.
Recently, I met someone through one of these apps. He is from another country and has shown strong interest in me. Over the past few weeks, I’ve developed a deep craving for him as well. However, one thing that feels off is that he calls me for very long conversations—sometimes lasting 4 or 5 hours—but he rarely shares anything about himself. He often says he just loves listening, and I feel like I was too quick to open up and share everything with him within just a few weeks.
Now, I’m starting to feel like he has learned how to manipulate me. He understands my emotions and how I react, but I barely know anything about him.
What should I do?
From what you’ve described, it sounds like an emotionally unbalanced dynamic. It’s understandable to feel drawn to someone when you’re in a situation where finding connection is difficult, but relationships should be built on mutual openness and trust. If he isn’t sharing about himself but knows so much about you, it could be a sign of emotional manipulation or even a red flag for something more concerning.
Here are some things you can consider doing:
- Observe His Actions, Not Just His Words – If he truly cares for you, he should be willing to share about himself and be transparent. Try asking him direct questions about his life and see how he responds.
- Set Boundaries – If the long calls feel draining or one-sided, set limits on how much time you spend talking. See how he reacts when you assert your own needs.
- Do a Background Check (If Possible) – If you have any doubts about his authenticity, see if you can verify the basic things he has told you about himself. Be mindful of possible catfishing.
- Trust Your Instincts – If something feels off, don’t ignore it. Emotional manipulation often happens gradually, and the sooner you recognize it, the better.
- Reach Out to Someone You Trust – Even if you’re in a difficult environment, see if you can talk to a friend, an online support group, or a therapist about this. Outside perspectives can help you see things more clearly.
Most importantly, remember that you deserve a relationship where you feel safe, valued, and truly seen—not just someone who listens but someone who also lets you in. If you start feeling emotionally dependent on this person, take a step back and reassess whether this connection is truly healthy for you.
Asian Network of A-Spec Queer Activists
If you’d like to talk more about your feelings, feel free to reach out to the ANOAQA Helpline at +880 1682-624275.
