After five years of running the ANOAQA helpline, we’ve noticed something crucial: Even within the a-spec community, male ace members in allo-ace relationships often experience stability and acceptance. Meanwhile, asexual individuals with male partners (Hetero romactic women or homo romantic men & trans women) seem to face more discrimination and violence.From our experience and discussions with diverse survivor groups, we've observed that:
🔹 An ace woman can endure a conventional sexual marriage despite hating sex, but for an ace man, that’s not always an option—his ability to perform sexually is often tied to psychological readiness. If he struggles, he risks being labeled impotent. Yet, despite these realities, hetero-romantic men remain less visible within the asexual community. Why?
🔹 Some asexual men in relationships find alternative ways to satisfy their partners, which are often accepted. However, hetero-allosexual men tend to reject alternatives and focus primarily on intercourse. Could this dynamic contribute to the higher visibility of ace individuals who are interested in men?
🔹 Are allo-ace relationship vulnerabilities primarily caused by men’s sexual demands on their partners, or by their perceived obligation to provide sex? Even male ace in the community often seem to be in stable, happy relationships with allosexual partners—suggesting that these relationships, when built on patience and understanding, can work.
💡 Why is this? We believe patience, tolerance, and understanding are key in any allo-ace relationship. But from what we’ve seen, these qualities are often extended by women. Could this be why “Hetero-romantic men and homo-romantic women seem to be less visible within the asexual community. Why do you think this is?
More specifically, why do asexual individuals who are interested in male partners tend to have higher visibility?
Could it be that the impatience and coercive tendencies of men regarding sex create a heightened sense of vulnerability for asexual individuals?”
We want to hear your thoughts! 🗣️
🔍 Join our online audio survey!
📅 Deadline: March 15th
📩 How to participate: Send a video of yourself asking the question (your image won’t be used—only your voice will be included in the final edit).
🎤 Central Question:
Does Gender Influence the Dynamics of Asexual Relationships?
Your privacy is protected: We respect your privacy. I will edit it to include only your voice, without any images, ensuring your anonymity if you prefer.
Let’s open up this conversation together! 💜✨
#Asexuality #AroAce #QueerVisibility #AlloAce #AsexualRelationships #LGBTQIA #AceCommunity
