Athulya Muralidharan
romantic oreintation:hetero leaning, in aromantic spectrum sexual oreintation: sex negative asexual…
Reasonable sexual access is expected in marriage?
Better to not marry than to be subjected to rape, worse get blamed for not quenching the sexual appetite of the legal partner.
Allosexuals say, sex is expected in marriage and with law makers being allosexuals, the laws too are pretty much biased towards them. Atleast if laws were neutral, it would have been better, ie no sex compulsion.
Which asexual wants a sexual relationship?
Most don’t
Is it necessary?
It’s not . Only the ones who have such thoughts from beforehand, marry with the intention of getting sex, thereby the expectation.
Sadly, this apparently includes almost everyone, is what I’ve come to gather (almost all seem to be allosexuals).
No wonder when someone says they are an asexual , the first question is “how will u marry “.
An expectation beforehand is only possible if the desire for something already exists .
Never understood why that was asked , until I realised it’s cuz apparently everyone gets sexual urges of independent existence, thereby look forward to have sex , holding onn to the expectation of getting sex after marriage .
Thereby, these people have sexual thoughts now and then from before? Apparently yes,
I find this so disturbing to even fathom/accept.
And people who marry in India, the average age is under 30, which means almost everyone younger than me has sexual thoughts, marrying also with the expectation of sex and are sexually active as well. No wonder I have a very negative image of marriage, which I like to call mating ceremony if its an arranged setup cuz in such case the very motivation is sexual (atleast initially).
With laws mandating sex, makes it worse.
Here, marriage is taken to be some sex license and sex as a personal right within marriage. A part of this is cuz sex is restricted to marriage. Hence, marriage automatically becomes a sex pass. Countries that act puritanical, it’s not that people are asexuals but sexually repressed and this leads to sexual frustration. Thereby, the most sex hungry allosexuals exist in such places and many look forward to marriage due to their sex hunger. In such places, the main highlight of wanting to get married , is sexually motivated (which is even more apparent in case of an arranged marriage), thereby laws that mandate sex. I’m not saying people are marrying only for the sake of sex BUT ALSO FOR THE SAKE OF SEX.
Yes, it’s made mandatory , not a personal choice. Hence even allosexuals can be subjected to marital rape but for asexuals, particularly asexual women, if forcibly married via arranged system to an allosexual, the sex is almost always a case of marital rape. I highlighted the issue of ace (asexual) women more, cuz often they are victims of forced marriages, in comparison to ace(asexual) males but be it male or female , ace or not, marital rape should be considered rape.
Here, people ask, “if didn’t went sex , why did u marry”, as if there ain’t any other reason to marry. Or even if one is allosexual but doesn’t want sex at the moment, the person is shunned for not obliging to quench the sexual thirst of the spouse, which is considered some sort of duty, here.
Marriage shouldn’t give one the right to violate the bodily autonomy of the partner. Sadly, even the concept of consent seems illogical to many, as marriage is seen as a sex pass here.
Even America, Australia, Russia, Europe, south east Asia, Korea and Japan see sex against will as a crime , irrespective of marital status. Sex or no sex is seen as a personal choice not mandated by law, as long as both parties are content but here ” some amount of sexual access is expected in marriage “, ie mandates sex and even forced sex is not criminalized.
People here pretend to be less sexual, only not openly sexual maybe but actually are the most sex obsessed .
This only adds further marriage aversion for people who are asexual, since they fear getting raped . Not to mention, a mandatory marriage push , along with an arranged marriage system (arranged marriage is hetero alloromantic hetero allosexual catering and pair ups may result in oreintation mismatch), the combination of the two makes matters worse. It’s a very alloromantic allosexual centric culture here(hetero version of alloromanticism and allosexuality), worse forced upon.
They then say “match made in heaven”.The audacity 🙄 More like “match made by genitals”.
The most sexualization of marriage happens here. Marriage should not be seen as a sex pass. Sex or no sex is a personal matter, as long as both parties are content. Rape is rape irrespective of marital status. Forced marriages and forced sex must be criminalized . No one has the right to violate bodily autonomy just cuz of marital status. If people have such issues, to the point of rape , it can NOT be worked through. In such cases better acknowledge the incompatibilities and divorce. I’m not advocating for divorce but a near zero divorce rate is reflective of deeper issues.
About The Author
romantic oreintation:hetero leaning, in aromantic spectrum
sexual oreintation:
sex negative asexual who is anti allosexual and triggered by its mere existence.
